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Post by silverdragon on Sept 30, 2017 6:51:12 GMT
OUT!>>>> You cannot bury that joke here, the graveyard is full. you have something against sheep jokes? do dyed in the wool punsters get under your skin? Wool you believe I have had enough of sudden sheep, and as there was no warning, that joke jumped out on me. There is a rule round these parts, somewhere, that jokes must be properly contained. You may not fleece the public with dangerous jokes here either, that pint has to be rammed home with some, hoof thought I would have to remind anyone of the rules?.. I mutton as well have them posted up in the foyer.
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Post by silverdragon on Sept 30, 2017 8:03:54 GMT
The worlds Bees have gone on strike. Through a set of binoculars, I can make out the placards they are waving... They have two demands. Shorter Flowers and More Honey.
Badum-tish, hows that for a sting?
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Post by OziRiS on Sept 30, 2017 8:44:13 GMT
OUT!>>>> You cannot bury that joke here, the graveyard is full. Really...? THAT'S the one you picked out as the bad one?! Well... I guess I see your point... We have been getting lambasted by the government of New Zealand over all the sheep jokes lately. Maybe it's time we switch to cows. Not that I have any sort of beef with them, but they can be an utter joy to milk for comedic material
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Post by OziRiS on Sept 30, 2017 8:48:05 GMT
The worlds Bees have gone on strike. Through a set of binoculars, I can make out the placards they are waving... They have two demands. Shorter Flowers and More Honey. Badum-tish, hows that for a sting? And on that note, if all the sign painters went on strike, what would they turn up with for the picket line?
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Post by WhutScreenName on Oct 2, 2017 16:39:49 GMT
OUT!>>>> You cannot bury that joke here, the graveyard is full. Really...? THAT'S the one you picked out as the bad one?! Well... I guess I see your point... We have been getting lambasted by the government of New Zealand over all the sheep jokes lately. Maybe it's time we switch to cows. Not that I have any sort of beef with them, but they can be an utter joy to milk for comedic material Moo-ve over ewe sheep, the cow's have come home! Don't you dairy make anymore sheep jokes. Grab the bull by the horns and stake your claim to fame with some cowriffic puns!
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Post by Cybermortis on Oct 31, 2017 20:38:21 GMT
Overheard during a gaming stream;
{In game} "His injuries will slow him down, what about yours?" {Chatroom Member} "I don't think my injuries will slow him down at all"
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Post by silverdragon on Nov 1, 2017 9:34:17 GMT
Really...? THAT'S the one you picked out as the bad one?! Well... I guess I see your point... We have been getting lambasted by the government of New Zealand over all the sheep jokes lately. Maybe it's time we switch to cows. Not that I have any sort of beef with them, but they can be an utter joy to milk for comedic material Moo-ve over ewe sheep, the cow's have come home! Don't you dairy make anymore sheep jokes. Grab the bull by the horns and stake your claim to fame with some cowriffic puns! I see many people have flocked to your cause, even if its a baaaad cause, but as yet, not a Welshman amongst them, because they are working on the problem of how many sheeps it takes to knit one sweater. Of course, silly me, sheeps cant knit?... But so far, we have gone too far down the trail to turn back, especially because we are opn a road signed with no ewe-turns. And that and the cloud of sheeps have decided to go into politics.. There eventual goal is to wool the world. You may have noted that have taken an interest in football as well. Their nominated team?. Baaa-rcelona. They have all decided to drive to the next game, so are busy out, buying new lamb-bar-ghini's... That and they have decided to visit Phrance next year to celebrate Baaa-stile day.
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Post by silverdragon on Nov 6, 2017 9:43:23 GMT
From HRH Charles, of Wales.
If one is to go flying in a light aircraft, one must always take a small flask of Gin, a small flask of Vermouth, and a pot of Olives. If perchance that aircraft should crash, and you find yourself alone, in the middle of nowhere, simply start to mix the gin and vermouth and pop in an olive... Almost immediately someone will jump out of a tree and state "Thats not the way to make a Martini..."
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Post by silverdragon on Nov 6, 2017 9:46:17 GMT
This one is reported as being from Noel Coward, His ideal best way to create a Martini
“Fill a large glass with gin and wave it in the general direction of Italy”.
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Post by the light works on Nov 6, 2017 15:49:04 GMT
This one is reported as being from Noel Coward, His ideal best way to create a Martini “Fill a large glass with gin and wave it in the general direction of Italy”. the friend who taught me some of the rudiments of tending bar said the correct amount of vermouth was to whisper it over the top of the shaker.
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Post by silverdragon on Nov 7, 2017 7:20:29 GMT
This one is reported as being from Noel Coward, His ideal best way to create a Martini “Fill a large glass with gin and wave it in the general direction of Italy”. the friend who taught me some of the rudiments of tending bar said the correct amount of vermouth was to whisper it over the top of the shaker. Take a glass that had been used for vermouth and wash it out with Gin....? There are as many recipes as there are for apple pie.
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Post by the light works on Nov 7, 2017 14:56:37 GMT
A young man had just gotten his first job, working in a grocery store. when he arrived to his first day, the manager greeted him with a smile and a handshake. then the manger handed him a broom and said, "your first task is to sweep out the store." "but I'm a college graduate" said the young man. "oh, I'm sorry," said the manager, taking the broom. "I'll show you how to sweep."
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Post by GTCGreg on Nov 7, 2017 16:31:31 GMT
A young man had just gotten his first job, working in a grocery store. when he arrived to his first day, the manager greeted him with a smile and a handshake. then the manger handed him a broom and said, "your first task is to sweep out the store." "but I'm a college graduate" said the young man. "oh, I'm sorry," said the manager, taking the broom. "I'll show you how to sweep." Reminds me of my first job between high school and starting collage. I had a summer job working for a small charter helicopter operation. The first task they gave me was to mop the bathroom floors in the hanger. At first I thought I had gotten into a pretty crappy job until I walked into the bathroom with mop in hand only to find the chief pilot in there painting the walls. I ended up working there, on and off, for 5 years and it turned out to be the most fun job I ever had.
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Post by the light works on Nov 7, 2017 17:00:42 GMT
A young man had just gotten his first job, working in a grocery store. when he arrived to his first day, the manager greeted him with a smile and a handshake. then the manger handed him a broom and said, "your first task is to sweep out the store." "but I'm a college graduate" said the young man. "oh, I'm sorry," said the manager, taking the broom. "I'll show you how to sweep." Reminds me of my first job between high school and starting collage. I had a summer job working for a small charter helicopter operation. The first task they gave me was to mop the bathroom floors in the hanger. At first I thought I had gotten into a pretty crappy job until I walked into the bathroom with mop in hand only to find the chief pilot in there painting the walls. I ended up working there, on and off, for 5 years and it turned out to be the most fun job I ever had. I worked in a full service gas station/car wash all the way through college. it was a good summer job, and it kept me in good shape, but it is also what gave me the goal of not owning a gas station or a car wash.
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Post by GTCGreg on Nov 7, 2017 17:15:51 GMT
I worked in a full service gas station/car wash all the way through college. it was a good summer job, and it kept me in good shape, but it is also what gave me the goal of not owning a gas station or a car wash. At least you can say you've accomplished 50% of your goal.
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Post by ironhold on Nov 7, 2017 17:27:38 GMT
I can honestly say I've dug ditches.
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Post by the light works on Nov 7, 2017 18:23:22 GMT
I can honestly say I've dug ditches. I have dug lots and lots of ditches. I have to dig one, today.
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Post by silverdragon on Nov 8, 2017 6:17:59 GMT
My first real job that gave me a sense of achievement I got by chance. I was out camping in a forest in Scotland, and had decided to go for a few whiskies in the local pub. Whilst in there, I got into conversation with a Forrester, being I had by then junior Mountain Ranger position with the Peak Park, we were discussing modern forestry needs. I think he was initially in disbelief that a teenager could be bothered to learn all this stuff.. Turns out he was chief ranger and tree surgeon for the whole area, being, he was it, and on his own, because his workmate had taken a few months off with injury from tripping over a hidden rock... The next morning, I had moved into the ranger hut, and found myself halfway up a tree with a four foot chainsaw tied to my belt....
We spend three months daytime up trees chopping back dead wood and nights in the pub sinking whisky. I have never laughed so much in my life?. Its also the only holiday I have been on that I came back in profit from...
I also learnt a whole lot from him on Fire breaks, and how to manage woodlands, how to spot dangerous branches, and which end of the branch to sit on when your cutting it off the tree... Yeah, you would think that a no-brainer, but he tells me he gets called in to finish a job from a lot of people who tied off the ladder to the end of the branch they are cutting back... the wrong end...
The best branch to sit on is the one the other side of the tree from the one you are cutting.
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Post by the light works on Nov 8, 2017 14:50:41 GMT
My first real job that gave me a sense of achievement I got by chance. I was out camping in a forest in Scotland, and had decided to go for a few whiskies in the local pub. Whilst in there, I got into conversation with a Forrester, being I had by then junior Mountain Ranger position with the Peak Park, we were discussing modern forestry needs. I think he was initially in disbelief that a teenager could be bothered to learn all this stuff.. Turns out he was chief ranger and tree surgeon for the whole area, being, he was it, and on his own, because his workmate had taken a few months off with injury from tripping over a hidden rock... The next morning, I had moved into the ranger hut, and found myself halfway up a tree with a four foot chainsaw tied to my belt.... We spend three months daytime up trees chopping back dead wood and nights in the pub sinking whisky. I have never laughed so much in my life?. Its also the only holiday I have been on that I came back in profit from... I also learnt a whole lot from him on Fire breaks, and how to manage woodlands, how to spot dangerous branches, and which end of the branch to sit on when your cutting it off the tree... Yeah, you would think that a no-brainer, but he tells me he gets called in to finish a job from a lot of people who tied off the ladder to the end of the branch they are cutting back... the wrong end... The best branch to sit on is the one the other side of the tree from the one you are cutting. unless it is a big tree and a small branch, I make a point of not being supported by the tree I am working on at all.
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Post by OziRiS on Nov 20, 2017 14:08:50 GMT
I can honestly say I've dug ditches. Only thing I ever dug as part of a job was foxholes, but if you add 'em all up you'll probably have nice long ditch Worst job I ever had was in some ways similar to something SD used to do. He used to drive tanker trucks full of dangerous stuff. I used to clean the inside of those tanks after they'd been emptied I'd rather dig foxholes with a Spork for an entire company than ever have to do that again!
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