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Post by the light works on Sept 6, 2015 14:17:20 GMT
My wife would spray the bird, not necessarily to punish it, but just for self defense. I think I have posted a picture of Jesse in one of the other threads. I'll see if I can find it. And yes, he does let me rub his neck, but only when he's in a good mood. I'm still the only one in the family that he'll allow to get close enough to him to even try. EDIT: Ok, here's one View Attachmentspraying him as a deterrent makes bathing problematic. one tactic you can try is to make your wife the controller of the food. one rule: she does not provide the food unless he behaves himself. this places her in a position of social dominance over him. |
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Post by GTCGreg on Sept 6, 2015 14:46:40 GMT
My wife would spray the bird, not necessarily to punish it, but just for self defense. I think I have posted a picture of Jesse in one of the other threads. I'll see if I can find it. And yes, he does let me rub his neck, but only when he's in a good mood. I'm still the only one in the family that he'll allow to get close enough to him to even try. EDIT: Ok, here's one View Attachmentspraying him as a deterrent makes bathing problematic. one tactic you can try is to make your wife the controller of the food. one rule: she does not provide the food unless he behaves himself. this places her in a position of social dominance over him. The spraying bird control hasn't been used in a number of years now. She pretty much resolved the problem. He's MY bird and so it's MY problem, even though she's the one that showed up with him, unannounced, one day. He doesn't mind her around as long as she doesn't get too close. In fact, he likes to sing along with her when she does her household chores. It's just that the only time he get's out of the cage is if I'm there. |
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Post by the light works on Sept 6, 2015 14:54:05 GMT
spraying him as a deterrent makes bathing problematic. one tactic you can try is to make your wife the controller of the food. one rule: she does not provide the food unless he behaves himself. this places her in a position of social dominance over him. The spraying bird control hasn't been used in a number of years now. She pretty much resolved the problem. He's MY bird and so it's MY problem, even though she's the one that showed up with him, unannounced, one day. He doesn't mind her around as long as she doesn't get too close. In fact, he likes to sing along with her when she does her household chores. It's just that the only time he get's out of the cage is if I'm there. Duke intensely disliked women when I first got her. this is a bit complicated by the fact that she is highly amused when people jump and scream. I have actually seen her stalk someone for the express purpose of scaring them. however, she has also learned that Mrs TLW gets to tell her what is acceptable and what is not. |
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Post by c64 on Sept 6, 2015 15:49:01 GMT
My wife would spray the bird, not necessarily to punish it, but just for self defense. I think I have posted a picture of Jesse in one of the other threads. I'll see if I can find it. And yes, he does let me rub his neck, but only when he's in a good mood. I'm still the only one in the family that he'll allow to get close enough to him to even try. EDIT: Ok, here's one View AttachmentThe main clue is that when he looks at your fingers with both eyes. This is like a target acquisition mode. A b ird like this takes 1.5 to 3 seconds to attack. Also the iris narrows whenever the bird feels the need to try to dominate you. There is an emergency method to catch those birds with bare hands. Your bird is small enough to prevent injury to yourself. Make a fist and then open your index finger half way, thumb up and as far back as you can. Then offer the index finger to bite. The moment the bird bites into your finger, put the thumb on its nose and pull the finger back into the fist and keep the muscles of your index finger under tension. Then tilt the fist down applying force on the nose and lift your arm up picking up the bird. Then put your other hand on the birds back and flip the bird on its back, still applying force to the nose. This won't injure the bird and it can still breath fine. The trick is that a bird never bites with full force first. You have half a second until the bird is sure that it can apply full force without injuring itself. With pressure on its nose and the upper beak pulled up, it can't keep up any bite pressure fearing injury, it is a natural reflex. Never do that without any good reason. You can use this technique to put the bird back into its cage when everything else fails or the bird needs medical attention. |
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Post by c64 on Sept 6, 2015 16:04:58 GMT
The spraying bird control hasn't been used in a number of years now. She pretty much resolved the problem. He's MY bird and so it's MY problem, even though she's the one that showed up with him, unannounced, one day. He doesn't mind her around as long as she doesn't get too close. In fact, he likes to sing along with her when she does her household chores. It's just that the only time he get's out of the cage is if I'm there. Duke intensely disliked women when I first got her. this is a bit complicated by the fact that she is highly amused when people jump and scream. I have actually seen her stalk someone for the express purpose of scaring them. however, she has also learned that Mrs TLW gets to tell her what is acceptable and what is not. We had a bird in care where the owners were so scared of the bird that they never dared to come close to it. The bird was sitting on the cage all day and they threw the food into the cage from distance. The bird couldn't fly any more and had no feathers except on its head. It took 5 years until it was fully recovered. Its hobby was to bite someone and learn the cry of pain. When we had got it, it could reproduce 18 different human cries of pain. When we had sold it, it didn't reproduce pain cries any more, instead it loved to imitate starting my tractor I owned back then. It was highly accurate, the sound of probing the shift stick for neutral, the wine of the dynastarter and the huffing 1-cylinder engine. Then you hear compression increase and the starter whining harder. Then the puffs of the first ignitions with the pace of the dynastarter increasing and decreasing. Then the time the engine is idling cold and heating up, then the tractor driving away. Even with the bird never close to the tractor, it's amazing how many little sound details it knew. The only bad habit it had we never could cure was that it loved to pick up a TV guide and starts flying in circles slowly decreasing altitude until it accidentally smacks someone with the TV guide on the head. |
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Post by the light works on Sept 6, 2015 22:53:34 GMT
Duke intensely disliked women when I first got her. this is a bit complicated by the fact that she is highly amused when people jump and scream. I have actually seen her stalk someone for the express purpose of scaring them. however, she has also learned that Mrs TLW gets to tell her what is acceptable and what is not. We had a bird in care where the owners were so scared of the bird that they never dared to come close to it. The bird was sitting on the cage all day and they threw the food into the cage from distance. The bird couldn't fly any more and had no feathers except on its head. It took 5 years until it was fully recovered. Its hobby was to bite someone and learn the cry of pain. When we had got it, it could reproduce 18 different human cries of pain. When we had sold it, it didn't reproduce pain cries any more, instead it loved to imitate starting my tractor I owned back then. It was highly accurate, the sound of probing the shift stick for neutral, the wine of the dynastarter and the huffing 1-cylinder engine. Then you hear compression increase and the starter whining harder. Then the puffs of the first ignitions with the pace of the dynastarter increasing and decreasing. Then the time the engine is idling cold and heating up, then the tractor driving away. Even with the bird never close to the tractor, it's amazing how many little sound details it knew. The only bad habit it had we never could cure was that it loved to pick up a TV guide and starts flying in circles slowly decreasing altitude until it accidentally smacks someone with the TV guide on the head. are you sure it was accidental? I met one in a hotel that could perfectly replicate the sound of a clerk taking a reservaton over the phone - including the phone ringing. Duke actually answered the phone for me a couple times - though I did take over after the first couple of "uh-huh"s so she wouldn't commit me to something I didn't want her to. I heard about one that would amuse itself by calling the dog and then biting it on the nose. |
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Post by GTCGreg on Sept 6, 2015 23:54:54 GMT
I met one in a hotel that could perfectly replicate the sound of a clerk taking a reservaton over the phone - including the phone ringing. Duke actually answered the phone for me a couple times - though I did take over after the first couple of "uh-huh"s so she wouldn't commit me to something I didn't want her to. I heard about one that would amuse itself by calling the dog and then biting it on the nose. They seem to have a pretty good knack at mimicking mechanical sounds. Jessie can duplicate the sound of our dishwasher to the point you think the dishwasher is actually running. Including the sound of the water filling. He also was quite good at duplicating making a phone call. Not the ringing, but the clicking sound of hitting the buttons. He would hit the side of the cage like he was dialing and make the clicking noise. He would then say; "Hello-Oh, Hi..." and then continue mumbling like he was carrying on some imaginary conversation. He would end the call by pretending to hang up the receiver on the side of his cage while he made the exact sound of the phone being hung up. His latest trick is to answer my wife whenever she calls my name. She'll call, Greg, and the bird yells "What?" back in my voice. Saves me the effort. |
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Post by the light works on Sept 7, 2015 0:09:06 GMT
I met one in a hotel that could perfectly replicate the sound of a clerk taking a reservaton over the phone - including the phone ringing. Duke actually answered the phone for me a couple times - though I did take over after the first couple of "uh-huh"s so she wouldn't commit me to something I didn't want her to. I heard about one that would amuse itself by calling the dog and then biting it on the nose. They seem to have a pretty good knack at mimicking mechanical sounds. Jessie can duplicate the sound of our dishwasher to the point you think the dishwasher is actually running. Including the sound of the water filling. He also was quite good at duplicating making a phone call. Not the ringing, but the clicking sound of hitting the buttons. He would hit the side of the cage like he was dialing and make the clicking noise. He would then say; "Hello-Oh, Hi..." and then continue mumbling like he was carrying on some imaginary conversation. He would end the call by pretending to hang up the receiver on the side of his cage while he made the exact sound of the phone being hung up. His latest trick is to answer my wife whenever she calls my name. She'll call, Greg, and the bird yells "What?" back in my voice. Saves me the effort. convenient |
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Post by c64 on Sept 7, 2015 17:58:34 GMT
The African Grey of my Grandma had a convenient way to check if he will be caught doing something wrong.
Whenever he is up to something like tearing off wallpaper or biting a piece out of the piano, he always yells "Grandma, look!". When my grandma turned to look at the bird, she always said "I see you!". If she continues to watch TV, knitting or reading without looking, her response is different:
"Grandma, look!"
"Grandma is looking."
*riiiiiiip*
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Post by silverdragon on Sept 8, 2015 6:36:41 GMT
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Post by c64 on Sept 8, 2015 10:17:57 GMT
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Post by WhutScreenName on Sept 9, 2015 20:39:50 GMT
A woman decides she’s going to mail her Christmas cards, but she doesn’t have enough stamps. She goes to the local post office and heads inside to wait in line for her turn. When it’s her turn to head to the counter, she informs the postal service man she’d like some stamps so she can mail her cards. “What denomination?” the postal service man asks the woman. “Oh good heavens! What has the world come to these days?” she says in outrage. When the postal service man looks at her funny she says, “I’ll take 50 Catholic and 50 Baptist stamps.”
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A mom took her young son to church with her one Sunday. During the middle of service her little boy looked at her and informed her that he has to go pee. The mother, upset with her son, firmly told him that it’s not acceptable to say ‘pee’ in church and that the next time he has to go to the bathroom he needs to tell her that he has to ‘whisper’. The following Sunday the same boy went to church again, this time with both of his parents. He leaned over to his father during the middle of service and said, “Daddy, I have to whisper,” to which his father replied, “Go ahead and whisper in my ear, son.”
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A man had front row seats to the final game of the World Series, right behind home plate. A man walks down the stands and asks if the seat next to him is taken. The man replies sadly, “No. This seat actually belonged to my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Series she’s missed since we were married in 1994.” The other man said, “Wow. I’m so sorry, but you couldn’t find anyone else to come with you? Not a friend or family member who would love to sit in this seat?” The sad man replied, “No. They’re all at my wife’s funeral.”
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A man and his son go fishing one morning. It was quiet for a few hours until the son looked at his father and said, “Dad? How do fish breathe under water?” “I don’t know, son,” replied the father. “Dad? How does our boat float on water?” “I don’t know, son.” “Dad, why is the sky blue?” “I have no idea, son.” “Dad, am I bothering you asking all these questions?” “Of course not, son. How else are you ever going to learn anything if you don’t ask?”
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A blonde gets on a plane bound for Chicago and leaves her seat in economy to sit in first class. When the flight attendant tells her she has to go back to economy because she didn’t pay for a first class ticket, the blonde says, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful and I’m going to Chicago and I’m staying right here in this seat.” The flight attendant and the blonde repeat this process a few times before the attendant gets the pilot. The same thing happens to the pilot when he tries to talk to the blonde. He goes back to the cockpit and begins to radio the tower for assistance when the co-pilot asks him to wait just a second. “I’m married to a blonde,” he tells the captain. “I speak blonde, let me handle it.” He goes up to the blonde, whispers in her ear and she said, “Oh, I’m so sorry,” before getting up and going back to her economy seat. “How did you do that?” his colleagues ask him. “Easy. I told her first class isn’t going to Chicago.”
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Post by OziRiS on Sept 9, 2015 21:04:50 GMT
Speaking of blonde jokes:
A blonde is driving down a rural road and sees another blonde in a wheat field next to the road. The blonde in the field is sitting in a boat and she looks like she's trying to row.
The blonde stops her car, rolls down the window and yells to the other blonde in the boat, "Hey! What are you doing in a boat in the middle of a field?!"
The blonde in the boat replies, "My car broke down and I need to get to the next farm over. My daddy told me that on a windy day, the wheat makes waves, so I thought I'd just sail over there."
The blonde in the car turns red in the face with anger, leans out of her window and starts to yell at the blonde in the boat: "You stupid, ignorant, cornfed hick! Stop what you're doing right now! What if someone came by and saw you?! You're the exact reason why we blondes have such a bad reputation for being stupid! I swear to God, I'd come out there and kick your ass if I could swim!"
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Post by silverdragon on Sept 10, 2015 5:30:28 GMT
NOT a joke.
Overheard at Manchester International Airport...
The plane had "Broke", it was removed from service to get fixed.
The announcement goes out over the tannoy's that the flight is delayed...
Up wanders the blond to check in, suffering from Affluenza.
Completely seriously, she asks "What about first class?.. are we delayed as well?.."
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Post by the light works on Sept 10, 2015 14:08:33 GMT
NOT a joke. Overheard at Manchester International Airport... The plane had "Broke", it was removed from service to get fixed. The announcement goes out over the tannoy's that the flight is delayed... Up wanders the blond to check in, suffering from Affluenza. Completely seriously, she asks "What about first class?.. are we delayed as well?.." reminds me of the outward leg of the last time I flew. I'd selected a flight with a stopover and change of planes because it was a hundred dollars savings over the nonstop. our plane came in and they pulled a service truck up to fiddle with the windshields. suddenly I get paged over the intercom, and the desk attendant tells me that the airline has bumped us to the next flight because they can't be sure they will get it repaired in time to catch the connection. then she does a double take and says, "oh, that's a nonstop flight, I don't imagine that will bother you will it?" so we ended up getting in about 40 minutes ahead of schedule because we got bumped to a later flight. |
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Post by GTCGreg on Sept 10, 2015 15:01:00 GMT
flying, in and of itself, is often a "joke"
One evening, I was trying to get back from St. Louis Missouri to Chicago. The plane I was booked to fly on was a small 12 seat commuter. Theycanceled the flight because they said the plane was too small to handle severe storms in the area. Instead, they put us on a larger jet to Dallas Texas where they said we could then catch a connecting flight back to Chicago. On the connecting flight back to Chicago, the pilot came on the PA and said that because of severe weather in Chicago, the plane was diverting to its next schedule destination, which was Baltimore. In Baltimore, they scheduled us on the last flight out back to Chicago. Just as we were getting ready to board the plane in Baltimore, they announced that the flight was being canceled because the flight crew had exceeded their daily allowance of flying time. They then booked us on the first flight out in the morning to Chicago.
fortunately, there was a hotel right at the airport where we could stay overnight. Unfortunately, the airline would not pay the bill since the delays were "weather related.
Just as I got up to the hotels front desk, the clerk informed me that there was only one room left, a double. I turned to the guy behind me, who was also on the same flight, and asked if he would be interested in sharing the cost for the room. He was more than happy to take me up on the offer.
So, for the simple cost of a commuter flight from St. Louis Missouri to Chicago, I got a bouncy tour of the "friendly skies", halfway across the country, a half priced night in beautiful Baltimore, and free breakfast in the morning. Like I said, flying can be a joke.
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Post by ironhold on Sept 10, 2015 15:55:47 GMT
Summer of 2001. I flew up to Utah to attend a wedding / family reunion. The plan called for myself, my parents, and one of my brothers to take a commuter plane from Killeen, Texas, to an airport in Dallas, at which point we'd get a plane to Salt Lake City. The return trip would be the same, SLC - Dallas - Killeen.
The trip up went without incident; we were just a touch late taking off, but the pilot made it up in the air.
The trip back?
It started in SLC when my brother decided to wear his steel-toed military boots into the airport against our best advice, and sure enough the security pulled him over to see just why he was setting off the metal detector.
Breakfast service on the flight consisted of a cart with bagged meals. We were to pick up one meal each as we passed the cart on the way through the loading area. The meal consisted of a bottle of orange juice, a banana, a half-sized cup of yogurt (random flavor), and a bagged name-brand muffin (random flavor). We were told not to begin eating until we were airborne.
So there we all were, crammed inside the aircraft, and awaiting take-off. Then the captain came over the intercom, explaining that there would be a delay. Apparently, the heater (defogger?) for one of the front windshields had malfunctioned during the final safety check and so needed to be serviced. My mother (who hates flying) started to get worried, but then my brother pointed out that we had air crew members flying standby with us and they didn't seem worried.
The next announcement was that the malfunctioning component couldn't be serviced then and there, and so a replacement part would be needed from the parts facility. Until then, the plane had no front windshield.
Then it was announced that the parts facility didn't have any in stock, and so they were having to send someone down to the auto parts store. Oh, and we could go ahead and eat breakfast.
We did finally get airborne, only to find that our in-flight entertainment was some canned CNN reports and an hour-long "Friends" episode. Fortunately, we had the option of tuning our headsets into an in-flight radio system that actually had some decent music. We finally got into Dallas, grateful to be there.
Until it set in that we had a six-hour layover.
Yeah. I've not flown anywhere since.
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Post by Lex Of Sydney Australia on Sept 12, 2015 4:51:22 GMT
Ok true story here:
This took place back in the late 1980's, to a friend of my Mum's husband who was in the Air Force at the time. One day they (his unit) have to go up for some reason in a cargo plane on what turned out to be a rather stormy day - lightning, thunder, turbulence you know the lot. Now it was a long flight so they were given packed lunches (sandwiches) for the men to take up & eat on the way to where they were going. Now all the sandwiches were ham & my Mum's friends husband was Jewish - although non practicing. They didn't discover the food situation till AFTER they were airborne & the C/O asked him if the food would be a problem, & he said no as he was a non practicing Jew. So they handed him a sandwich & just as he's about to bite into it a MASSIVE bolt of lightning strikes near the plane & lights up the whole interior of the plane. 30 hardened airmen nearly $hit themselves & without a moments hesitation the planes Captain turns back & yells "For the love of God someone take the ham sandwich away from the Jew!" to which EVERYONE on board starts laughing their heads off.
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Post by OziRiS on Sept 12, 2015 6:06:20 GMT
Ok true story here: This took place back in the late 1980's, to a friend of my Mum's husband who was in the Air Force at the time. One day they (his unit) have to go up for some reason in a cargo plane on what turned out to be a rather stormy day - lightning, thunder, turbulence you know the lot. Now it was a long flight so they were given packed lunches (sandwiches) for the men to take up & eat on the way to where they were going. Now all the sandwiches were ham & my Mum's friends husband was Jewish - although non practicing. They didn't discover the food situation till AFTER they were airborne & the C/O asked him if the food would be a problem, & he said no as he was a non practicing Jew. So they handed him a sandwich & just as he's about to bite into it a MASSIVE bolt of lightning strikes near the plane & lights up the whole interior of the plane. 30 hardened airmen nearly $hit themselves & without a moments hesitation the planes Captain turns back & yells "For the love of God someone take the ham sandwich away from the Jew!" to which EVERYONE on board starts laughing their heads off. religious humor done right!  |
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Post by the light works on Sept 12, 2015 6:57:51 GMT
back when I was a kid, before seatbelt laws, we were riding in the back of an open horse truck, and decided to experiment with the whole relative motion phenomenon. so we were kicking clumps of manure out of the back of the truck, and observing the results.
so we stop to let me off at home, and the driver who was behind us also stops and tells the state trooper who was there monitoring for speeders that we were kicking stuff out of the truck at them.
so the trooper comes over and gives us a stern lecture about the potential hazards caused by throwing or kicking objects out of a moving vehicle. when the lecture is over, he asks us what we were kicking out of the truck.
My buddy says "manures"
the trooper almost kept a straight face.
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