Post by Lex Of Sydney Australia on Mar 1, 2016 5:00:54 GMT
Oh man that's TOO funny!
Don't blame yourself. The apocalypse wasn't your fault. Actually, it was just as much your fault as it was anyone else's. Come to think of it, if you're an American, it was probably about 80-90 percent more your fault than the average human. But don't let that get you down. It wasn't exclusively your fault. Unless you're the president. Then it might be your fault. But you'll have plenty of interns to tell you that it wasn't, so you'll be fine. Meghann Marco, Field Guide to the Apocalypse
-x-clacks-GNU Terry Pratchett----Release the Clan Mac Feegle, awae hame ye scunners.[p]Most of my Job is avoiding Stupid. ...You cant Fix Stupid. Especially when you turn Left at Hammerhead.
A furniture salesman walks into the ER with a broken nose at around 11 a.m.
Doctor: When did this happen?
Salesman: About an hour ago.
Doctor: And where?
Salesman: In a bar.
Doctor: Oh, you got in a fight?
Salesman: No! I don't go to bars to drink and get in fights at 10 in the morning! What kind of person do you think I am?! I was there to sell furniture!
Doctor: Then who hit you?
Salesman: The owner...
Doctor: Why?
Salesman: I don't know! I just told him I had a fresh batch of stool samples that would match his existing decor perfectly...
Post by Lex Of Sydney Australia on Jun 17, 2016 14:15:59 GMT
A man with amnesia walks into a bar & says to the bartender "So do I come here often?"
Don't blame yourself. The apocalypse wasn't your fault. Actually, it was just as much your fault as it was anyone else's. Come to think of it, if you're an American, it was probably about 80-90 percent more your fault than the average human. But don't let that get you down. It wasn't exclusively your fault. Unless you're the president. Then it might be your fault. But you'll have plenty of interns to tell you that it wasn't, so you'll be fine. Meghann Marco, Field Guide to the Apocalypse
Batman and Robin go camping in the desert one day. They find a suitable spot, pitch their tent and soon fall asleep.
In the middle of the night, Batman wakes his faithful friend saying, "Robin, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Robin replies, "I see millions of stars, Batman."
Batman then asks him, "And what does that tell you?"
Robin is silent for a moment while he thinks about this. Then he says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Chronologically, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. And theologically, it’s evidence the Lord is all-powerful and how small and insignificant we are. Meteorologically, it looks as though we’re in for a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Batman?"
Batman looks at him and says, "It tells me that someone stole our tent, you idiot..."
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit, but wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
OziRiS
Evil Senior Member with far too much time on their hands. Minion
Three drunk men are standing on the roof of a tall building, tossing back a few beers and shooting the breeze.
Drunk #1: "You know, it's a funny thing about these wind currents around tall buildings like this one. A man could jump off of the building and never hit the ground, because the currents would bring him right back up."
Drunk #2: "You're crazy! There's no way that's true! You're making it up!"
Drunk #1: "No, I'm serious! Watch this..."
Drunk #1 jumps off the building, falls about 30 feet, changes direction mid-air and lands back on the roof moments later. He stumbles a little as his feet hit the roof, but quickly finds his balance again and goes, "See?! Told you!"
Drunk #2: "DUDE!!! THAT WAS AWESOME!!! I've gotta try that! Hold my beer!"
Drunk #2 takes a running start and jumps off the building, but he doesn't change direction. He plunges 300 feet straight down and hits the pavement with a gargantuan THUD!
Drunk #3 looks at Drunk #1 and goes, "You can be a real d*ck when you're drunk, Superman."
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit, but wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
OziRiS
Evil Senior Member with far too much time on their hands. Minion
Batman and Robin go camping in the desert one day. They find a suitable spot, pitch their tent and soon fall asleep.
In the middle of the night, Batman wakes his faithful friend saying, "Robin, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Robin replies, "I see millions of stars, Batman."
Batman then asks him, "And what does that tell you?"
Robin is silent for a moment while he thinks about this. Then he says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Chronologically, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. And theologically, it’s evidence the Lord is all-powerful and how small and insignificant we are. Meteorologically, it looks as though we’re in for a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Batman?"
Batman looks at him and says, "It tells me that someone stole our tent, you idiot..."
LOL! I've heard the same joke before but it was with Sherlock Holmes & Dr Watson not Batman & Robin.
Don't blame yourself. The apocalypse wasn't your fault. Actually, it was just as much your fault as it was anyone else's. Come to think of it, if you're an American, it was probably about 80-90 percent more your fault than the average human. But don't let that get you down. It wasn't exclusively your fault. Unless you're the president. Then it might be your fault. But you'll have plenty of interns to tell you that it wasn't, so you'll be fine. Meghann Marco, Field Guide to the Apocalypse
Batman and Robin go camping in the desert one day. They find a suitable spot, pitch their tent and soon fall asleep.
In the middle of the night, Batman wakes his faithful friend saying, "Robin, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Robin replies, "I see millions of stars, Batman."
Batman then asks him, "And what does that tell you?"
Robin is silent for a moment while he thinks about this. Then he says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Chronologically, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. And theologically, it’s evidence the Lord is all-powerful and how small and insignificant we are. Meteorologically, it looks as though we’re in for a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Batman?"
Batman looks at him and says, "It tells me that someone stole our tent, you idiot..."
LOL! I've heard the same joke before but it was with Sherlock Holmes & Dr Watson not Batman & Robin.
When I heard it, it was The Lone Ranger and Tonto.
It would appear that there are a lot of tent thieves out west.
Or East depending on which country your in.
Don't blame yourself. The apocalypse wasn't your fault. Actually, it was just as much your fault as it was anyone else's. Come to think of it, if you're an American, it was probably about 80-90 percent more your fault than the average human. But don't let that get you down. It wasn't exclusively your fault. Unless you're the president. Then it might be your fault. But you'll have plenty of interns to tell you that it wasn't, so you'll be fine. Meghann Marco, Field Guide to the Apocalypse
OziRiS
Evil Senior Member with far too much time on their hands. Minion
I don't know why, but I was trawling the web for jokes about superheroes. Not a lot out there. Many of them are extremely lame and there seems to only be about 30 unique jokes out there that just get repeated ad nauseum on countless forums.
I came up with the one about Clark Kent, Lois Lane and the babysitter myself, but it's not all that good either.
Anyone else know any good superhero jokes that haven't been posted to death on the web already?
I don't know why, but I was trawling the web for jokes about superheroes. Not a lot out there. Many of them are extremely lame and there seems to only be about 30 unique jokes out there that just get repeated ad nauseum on countless forums.
I came up with the one about Clark Kent, Lois Lane and the babysitter myself, but it's not all that good either.
Anyone else know any good superhero jokes that haven't been posted to death on the web already?
Only R rated ones
Don't blame yourself. The apocalypse wasn't your fault. Actually, it was just as much your fault as it was anyone else's. Come to think of it, if you're an American, it was probably about 80-90 percent more your fault than the average human. But don't let that get you down. It wasn't exclusively your fault. Unless you're the president. Then it might be your fault. But you'll have plenty of interns to tell you that it wasn't, so you'll be fine. Meghann Marco, Field Guide to the Apocalypse
