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Post by Lex Of Sydney Australia on May 9, 2015 7:01:42 GMT
A novice drill instructor was to escort new recruits to the mess hall. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them "There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up! Eat up! Get up!" Checking to see that he had everyone's attention, he asked, "What is the first rule?" Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, "Shut up, Drill Sergeant!"  |
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Post by the light works on Jun 21, 2015 4:42:33 GMT
the news reported a movie theater was robbed and reported losses valued at $250.00. the thieves got away with a popcorn and a large soda.
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Post by OziRiS on Jun 22, 2015 11:40:57 GMT
the news reported a movie theater was robbed and reported losses valued at $250.00. the thieves got away with a popcorn and a large soda. And the officer taking the report felt inclined to ask: "So, are you the ones who have been robbed, or are you confessing to robbing the 50 people in the theatre?" |
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Post by Lokifan on Jun 23, 2015 15:56:17 GMT
From critic Terry Treachout, funny because it's true: Twitter, in four sentences • How dare you talk about A when B is infinitely more important? • If I disagree with you, you’re almost certainly arguing in bad faith and probably evil as well. • You are personally responsible, in toto and in perpetuity, for everything that your friends, colleagues, and/or ancestors have ever said, done, or thought. • Sentences #2 and #3 do not apply to me. |
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Post by the light works on Jun 23, 2015 16:04:28 GMT
From critic Terry Treachout, funny because it's true: Twitter, in four sentences • How dare you talk about A when B is infinitely more important? • If I disagree with you, you’re almost certainly arguing in bad faith and probably evil as well. • You are personally responsible, in toto and in perpetuity, for everything that your friends, colleagues, and/or ancestors have ever said, done, or thought. • Sentences #2 and #3 do not apply to me. twitter in one sentence: "Hey, look at me!" |
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Post by OziRiS on Jun 23, 2015 18:31:11 GMT
Social media in general in one sentence:
"I believe I'm so important that even when I'm doing absolutely nothing, my friends, family, co-workers and loose acquaintances love to hear about it."
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Post by WhutScreenName on Jul 9, 2015 13:42:35 GMT
Question:
At what time does Sean Connery get to Wimbledon?
Answer:
Tennish.
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Question:
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
Answer:
Bison.
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"I tried to take a picture of the fog the other day.....Mist."
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Question:
What do you call a cow that does not give any milk?
Answer:
A milk dud.
====================================================
Question:
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Answer:
Ground beef.
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Post by GTCGreg on Jul 9, 2015 14:25:01 GMT
My wife went shopping at the local mall. She was gone for 6 hours. I asked her why it took so long. She said that she got halfway down on the escalator and it stopped working. It took them 4 hours to get it going again. I said; "Don't you mean the elevator?" She said No, the escalator. You know, the moving steps. They stopped moving.
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Post by c64 on Jul 13, 2015 21:47:16 GMT
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Post by c64 on Jul 14, 2015 11:42:31 GMT
A novice drill instructor was to escort new recruits to the mess hall. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them "There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up! Eat up! Get up!" Checking to see that he had everyone's attention, he asked, "What is the first rule?" Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, "Shut up, Drill Sergeant!" Reminds me of an incident in the barracks where I had my basic training when I was in the military. A drill Sargent wanted to make sure everybody wears their thermo underpants. And the best he could think of was yelling "Company - PANTS DOWN!". He was promoted to shuffle papers in the sub basement of the office complex. When that had happened, I was in a different company, the "Broom Company". A fresh recruit was ordered to sweep the floor but the broom was broken. So instead of reporting to his drill Sargent, he was bollocking to the first officer he found which had happened to be the Inspector General of the Bundeswehr, the person with the highest rank in the Bundeswehr. |
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Post by the light works on Jul 15, 2015 11:34:34 GMT
The coach had put together the perfect team for the Baltimore Ravens. The only thing missing was a good quarterback.
He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in the West Bank.
In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Israeli soldier with a truly incredible arm.
He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away. KABOOM!
He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney. KA-BLOOEY!
Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph. BULLS-EYE!
"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football.
And the Ravens go on to win the Super Bowl!!!
The young man is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his Mother.
"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"
"I don't want to talk to you, the old woman says." You are not my son!"
"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads.
"I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."
"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts.
"At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble.
Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!”
The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Baltimore!!!!
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Post by OziRiS on Jul 15, 2015 19:38:04 GMT
The coach had put together the perfect team for the Baltimore Ravens. The only thing missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win. Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in the West Bank. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Israeli soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away. KABOOM! He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney. KA-BLOOEY! Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph. BULLS-EYE! "I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!" So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Ravens go on to win the Super Bowl!!! The young man is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his Mother. "Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!" "I don't want to talk to you, the old woman says." You are not my son!" "I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans." "No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!” The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Baltimore!!!! She should at least be thankful that he wasn't scouted by the Rams and moved her to East St. Louis www.neighborhoodscout.com/top-lists/highest-murder-rate-cities/And even though St. Louis Proper, just on the other side of the Mississippi, has a lower murder rate than East St. Louis, it's still number 12 on the list, while Baltimore is number 13. |
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Post by GTCGreg on Jul 15, 2015 21:03:17 GMT
She should at least be thankful that he wasn't scouted by the Rams and moved her to East St. Louis www.neighborhoodscout.com/top-lists/highest-murder-rate-cities/And even though St. Louis Proper, just on the other side of the Mississippi, has a lower murder rate than East St. Louis, it's still number 12 on the list, while Baltimore is number 13. I think that list was before the recent police slow-down in Baltimore. Anyway, I use to service a hospital in East St. Louis, (which is in Illinois, not Missouri) It was not a nice place to visit. And that was 20 years ago. I'm sure it hasn't improved any. |
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Post by c64 on Jul 15, 2015 22:35:22 GMT
She should at least be thankful that he wasn't scouted by the Rams and moved her to East St. Louis www.neighborhoodscout.com/top-lists/highest-murder-rate-cities/And even though St. Louis Proper, just on the other side of the Mississippi, has a lower murder rate than East St. Louis, it's still number 12 on the list, while Baltimore is number 13. I think that list was before the recent police slow-down in Baltimore. Anyway, I use to service a hospital in East St. Louis, (which is in Illinois, not Missouri) It was not a nice place to visit. And that was 20 years ago. I'm sure it hasn't improved any. I saw a M*A*S*H episode the other day where there was a joke about the insane crime rate in Baltimore. The series was filmed in the 70s... |
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Post by GTCGreg on Jul 15, 2015 22:51:34 GMT
I think that list was before the recent police slow-down in Baltimore. Anyway, I use to service a hospital in East St. Louis, (which is in Illinois, not Missouri) It was not a nice place to visit. And that was 20 years ago. I'm sure it hasn't improved any. I saw a M*A*S*H episode the other day where there was a joke about the insane crime rate in Baltimore. The series was filmed in the 70s... Right. And that was way before the riots of a few weeks ago. For those outside the U.S., what has happened in Baltimore, is 6 police officers were charged with the murder of a black drug dealer that died under mysterious circumstance while in their custody. Massive riots pursued and the police force did not feel they had the support of city leadership. As a result, the police force has staged an arrest slow down causing anarchy in Baltimore. Serious crime has increased almost 70% there since the riots. |
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Post by OziRiS on Jul 15, 2015 23:05:29 GMT
I saw a M*A*S*H episode the other day where there was a joke about the insane crime rate in Baltimore. The series was filmed in the 70s... Right. And that was way before the riots of a few weeks ago. For those outside the U.S., what has happened in Baltimore, is 6 police officers were charged with the murder of a black drug dealer that died under mysterious circumstance while in their custody. Massive riots pursued and the police force did not feel they had the support of city leadership. As a result, the police force has staged an arrest slow down causing anarchy in Baltimore. Serious crime has increased almost 70% there since the riots. Way to show you take your job as a cop seriously. Fellow officers get charged with a crime and the rest follow up by allowing more crime. Good job... |
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Post by the light works on Jul 16, 2015 0:37:26 GMT
Right. And that was way before the riots of a few weeks ago. For those outside the U.S., what has happened in Baltimore, is 6 police officers were charged with the murder of a black drug dealer that died under mysterious circumstance while in their custody. Massive riots pursued and the police force did not feel they had the support of city leadership. As a result, the police force has staged an arrest slow down causing anarchy in Baltimore. Serious crime has increased almost 70% there since the riots. Way to show you take your job as a cop seriously. Fellow officers get charged with a crime and the rest follow up by allowing more crime. Good job... basically, the city management implied that if anyone was injured in the course of being arrested, the police would be considered to be at fault - so the police decided they would not risk accidentally injuring a suspect. - if the suspect fights or flees, they just let him go. |
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Post by OziRiS on Jul 16, 2015 0:41:10 GMT
Way to show you take your job as a cop seriously. Fellow officers get charged with a crime and the rest follow up by allowing more crime. Good job... basically, the city management implied that if anyone was injured in the course of being arrested, the police would be considered to be at fault - so the police decided they would not risk accidentally injuring a suspect. - if the suspect fights or flees, they just let him go. Okay, so there are more people not doing their jobs. Doesn't exactly make it any better. |
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Post by the light works on Jul 16, 2015 0:44:32 GMT
basically, the city management implied that if anyone was injured in the course of being arrested, the police would be considered to be at fault - so the police decided they would not risk accidentally injuring a suspect. - if the suspect fights or flees, they just let him go. Okay, so there are more people not doing their jobs. Doesn't exactly make it any better. at the same time, I can understand where they are coming from. case in point, they asked their lawyer if they were chasing a suspect and he ran in front of a car and he got hit, would they be prosecuted; and he said yes. |
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Post by OziRiS on Jul 16, 2015 0:49:18 GMT
Okay, so there are more people not doing their jobs. Doesn't exactly make it any better. at the same time, I can understand where they are coming from. case in point, they asked their lawyer if they were chasing a suspect and he ran in front of a car and he got hit, would they be prosecuted; and he said yes. And if that had happened over here, city officials holding police officers accountable for things they shouldn't be held accountable for and police officers (understandably) responding by refusing to do their jobs, the government would have stepped in long ago to ensure public safety. |
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