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Post by Lex Of Sydney Australia on Jan 25, 2013 7:29:54 GMT
Ok Here’s another old thread resurrected from the late Discovery MB Board – Share a Joke. The joke can be on any subject you like as long as you keep it clean & it abides with the Forum Rules. Happy Laughing ;D (or in the case of some jokes groaning.  ) |
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Post by Lex Of Sydney Australia on Jan 25, 2013 7:30:40 GMT
Q: How many psychologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five – one to do it & four to ‘share the experience.’
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Post by privatepaddy on Jan 25, 2013 11:50:46 GMT
Ok Here’s another old thread resurrected from the late Discovery MB Board – Share a Joke. The joke can be on any subject you like as long as you keep it clean & it abides with the Forum Rules. Happy Laughing ;D (or in the case of some jokes groaning. ) Tough ask Lex you just disqualified the funniest jokes in the universe. ok here goes lets hope it makes it past daybreak. This religious minister type bloke shush a priest was sitting in his study working on his sermon it was warm and he had his study window open. From out side he could hear a faint murmur and rattle. He ignored it for a while but it got the better of him so he got up and moved over to the window. Below a young streetwise kid was playing dice, throwing them up against the wall. Every time saying "expletive gosh darn it I missed" The religious bloke you remember the priest said "Johnny that's blasphemy not a nice thing to say, God will strike you down in a flash of thunder and lightning someone will get very cross if you continue" Johnny looked up at the religious bloke yep the priest and said nothing. The religious bloke yep the priest again moved back to his desk, but the murmuring and the rattle continued. This plainly was not good enough that such language should be used outside a church place where religious people hang out. The religious bloke yeah the priest got up and went to the window saying "Johnny I warned you........" There was an almighty bang and flash of light loud noise and bright light followed by a loud Booming voice "expletive gosh darn it I missed" |
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Post by Lonewolf on Jan 25, 2013 14:45:24 GMT
My favorite stupid joke: Ever see geese migrating? You see they fly in a "Vee"? Ever notice one arm of the "Vee" is always longer than the other one? Do you know why? Wait for it.................... There's more geese on that side....  |
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Post by The Urban Mythbuster on Jan 25, 2013 14:48:32 GMT
Grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"
The Grasshopper replies: "You got a drink named Steve?!"
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Post by Lex Of Sydney Australia on Jan 25, 2013 14:50:51 GMT
*GROAN!* Ok you asked for it……… Now that Lance Armstrong has confessed to using illegal substances while racing. Does that mean we can now call him a drug peddler? |
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Post by c64 on Jan 25, 2013 15:23:05 GMT
A couple wanted to have $something in their bedroom but couldn't get rid of their 8 year old son. So they told him to watch the neighbourhood and locked him onto the balcony.
After they had their cigarette hereafter, they had let their son back in and asked what he had seen happening in the neighbourhood:
Son: "Mr. and Mrs. Smith have returned from shopping."
Parents: "Very good, what else?"
Son: "The teacher from next door had walked his dog."
Parents: "Good, anything else?"
Son: "The Müllers from diagonally opposite had *BEEP*!"
Parents: "What makes you think that?!"
Son: "They had locked their Kevin on the balcony, too!"
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Post by The Urban Mythbuster on Jan 25, 2013 16:20:43 GMT
*GROAN!* Ok you asked for it……… Now that Lance Armstrong has confessed to using illegal substances while racing. Does that mean we can now call him a drug peddler? I wish I could repeat what Jimmy Kimmel said... |
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Post by c64 on Jan 25, 2013 16:48:01 GMT
*GROAN!* Ok you asked for it……… Now that Lance Armstrong has confessed to using illegal substances while racing. Does that mean we can now call him a drug peddler? I wish I could repeat what Jimmy Kimmel said... A few years ago the cruel joke over here was: "Of course the US soldiers had aimed at Osama's legs! He just had tied his shoes in a bad moment!" |
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Post by Lonewolf on Jan 26, 2013 6:16:41 GMT
A guy walks into a bar with a toad on his head.
The bartender says "Hey! Where'd you get that?"
The toad says "Well... it started out as a wart on my butt".
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A piece of rope walks into a bar. The bartender says "Hey! We don't serve rope!" and throws it out.
The rope heads down the street but stops in an alley where it rolls around in the dirt, getting tangled and frazzled. It then goes into another bar where the bartender says "Hey! Aren't you a piece of rope?"
The rope says "Why no, I'm afraid not!"*
Ready?
*I'm a frayed knot....
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Post by c64 on Jan 26, 2013 8:38:16 GMT
Two loons walk along a street when one of them says: "Let me walk in the middle for a while!"
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Post by c64 on Jan 26, 2013 9:46:06 GMT
A women is frequently visited by her lover while her husband is at work. One day her 9-year old son hides in the wardrobe to see what is going on in the master bed room
Out of a sudden, the husband shows up and his wife hides her lover inside the wardrobe:
Son: "It's dark in here…"
Man: (whispers) "It sure is."
Son: "I've got a football…"
Man: "That's nice
Son: "Do you want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks!
Son: "My dad is out there…"
Man: "Ok, how much?"
Son: "$250"
During the next weeks, it happened again.
Son: "It's dark in here…"
Man: (whispers) "It sure is."
Son: "I've got sneakers…"
Man: "*sigh* "How much?"
Son: "$500"
After a few days, the father says to his son: "Grab your Football gear and let's play"
Son: "Sorry, but I have sold my football gear!"
Father: "For how much?"
Son: "For $750!"
Father: "That's rediciolous how you cheat your friends, that's many times more than those items are worth. I'll take you to the church to confess!"
So the father takes his son to the church, puts him into the confessional box and closes the door.
Son: "It's dark in here!"
Catholic priest: "Don't go on like that!"
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Post by Lex Of Sydney Australia on Jan 28, 2013 10:54:25 GMT
LOL too funny! Well being part Pommy (via my Mum) I can get away with telling the following.
Q: Why do the Welsh, Scott’s & Irish produce some of the world’s best comedians?
A: Well if you had the English for neighbours you'd need a *CENSORED* sense of humour too!
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Post by c64 on Jan 28, 2013 16:25:42 GMT
LOL too funny! Well being part Pommy (via my Mum) I can get away with telling the following. Q: Why do the Welsh, Scott’s & Irish produce some of the world’s best comedians? A: Well if you had the English for neighbours you'd need a *CENSORED* sense of humour too! as in US American beer is like making love in a canoe - *CENSORED* close to water? |
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Post by Lex Of Sydney Australia on Jan 28, 2013 20:36:34 GMT
*CENSORED* as in the F word
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Post by The Urban Mythbuster on Jan 28, 2013 20:40:54 GMT
Which one? Frog? Food? Fudge? Freakadelic? |
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Post by rory on Jan 28, 2013 21:05:15 GMT
LOL too funny! Well being part Pommy (via my Mum) I can get away with telling the following. Q: Why do the Welsh, Scott’s & Irish produce some of the world’s best comedians? A: Well if you had the English for neighbours you'd need a *CENSORED* sense of humour too! as in US American beer is like making love in a canoe - *CENSORED* close to water? What are the Germans doing with their beer? |
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Post by Lex Of Sydney Australia on Jan 29, 2013 12:51:34 GMT
Which one? Frog? Food? Fudge? Freakadelic? The F word as in For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge, which BTW is the TRUE meaning of the word. Back in the good old days of the British Empire when only men were allowed to serve on ships. If any of the sailors got up to a bit of ‘freelance activity’ (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) & were caught out they were flogged. & the reason for their punishment was written in the ships log as 'For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge'. But it was often shortened to an acronym of the F word to save space in the ships log book. |
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Post by The Urban Mythbuster on Jan 29, 2013 15:36:08 GMT
...and all these years I thought Sammy Hagar (Van Halen) pulled that expression out of his [woo hoo]...
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Post by Lex Of Sydney Australia on Jan 30, 2013 7:13:52 GMT
 Wise donkey! *Lex gives Urban the Agincourt salute with both hands.*
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Wise donkey!