|
|
Post by WhutScreenName on Sept 27, 2016 20:31:11 GMT
Wife: Look, see that drunk guy?
Husband: Yeah, who is he?
Wife: 10 years back he proposed to me, and I rejected him.
Husband: AND HE'S STILL CELEBRATING!!?!?!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Marriage is a workshop:
The husband works
The wife shops
========================================================
NEVER laugh at your wife's decisions... you're one of them
|
|
|
|
Post by GTCGreg on Oct 13, 2016 15:12:50 GMT
It was the 13th day of the 13th month, and we all met to discuss...
The mis-printed calendars.
|
|
|
|
Post by the light works on Oct 21, 2016 6:19:40 GMT
I could tell you the one about the pizza and the broken pencil.
but it's cheesy and pointless.
|
|
|
|
Post by the light works on Oct 29, 2016 6:47:30 GMT
In a world run by dogs, the post office could use the same picture for the most wanted criminal and the employee of the month.
|
|
|
|
Post by silverdragon on Oct 30, 2016 9:38:11 GMT
In a world run by dogs, the post office could use the same picture for the most wanted criminal and the employee of the month. With the amount of mail that goes missing around here, the Post Office probably could anyway?..  |
|
|
|
Post by c64 on Oct 31, 2016 10:10:44 GMT
I could tell you the one about the pizza and the broken pencil. but it's cheesy and pointless. Do you know the one about the tomato inside the elevator? - Me neither, I took the stairs and ate a banana! |
|
|
|
Post by the light works on Jan 16, 2017 17:46:22 GMT
|
|
|
|
Post by GTCGreg on Jan 16, 2017 19:17:22 GMT
Like him or hate him, one things for sure. The nope presidency is likely to put reality TV out of business. |
|
|
|
Post by c64 on Jan 16, 2017 22:28:54 GMT
Like him or hate him, one things for sure. The nope presidency is likely to put reality TV out of business. Don't worry, our head of government also used to have a very bad haircut and talked a lot of nonsense. Once the staff of advisers manages to do their work, it will all (slowly but surely) change to acceptable levels. And then there is your congress. Just like Obama had failed to make all the good stuff happen he tried to accomplish, nope will fail to make his bad stuff happen. |
|
|
|
Post by GTCGreg on Jan 16, 2017 23:06:06 GMT
Like him or hate him, one things for sure. The nope presidency is likely to put reality TV out of business. Don't worry, our head of government also used to have a very bad haircut and talked a lot of nonsense. Once the staff of advisers manages to do their work, it will all (slowly but surely) change to acceptable levels. And then there is your congress. Just like Obama had failed to make all the good stuff happen he tried to accomplish, nope will fail to make his bad stuff happen. The Republicans hold both the house and senate. Most of nope's "stuff" is going to happen. Whether you view that as good stuff or bad stuff depends on which side of the isle you're on. No matter what side you're on, the media is going to have a field day. |
|
|
|
Post by silverdragon on Jan 17, 2017 11:57:10 GMT
I was watching some American Comedian on the presidency thing. Rich Hall.. he is a UK resident now?.
Anyways, he says that the average American voted that way for reason...
"The average American will not believe anything unless its seen on TV", And we thank Nixon for saying that?.
Rich Hall goes on to explain Watergate.
Thanks to that, I now know where the phrase "Watergate" comes from... its the address of the headquarters Nixons own men infiltrated to slander hi opponent.
He goes on to explain how and where the "Dirty Tricks" of the presidential election thing started from on TeeVee..
Its been around since TeeVee started.
We cant blame "anyone" for the most slanderous election campaign ever recorded, because it started back before TeeVee ever was invented, back when the constitution was just a set of guidelines and they started back then with the various was in which it can be interpreted.
[important edit, insert and swap out Declaration of Independence for the UK's Magna Carta Libertatum, great charter, and anything else the whole world over, that forms the start of their ability to elect a "prime" minister, Persident, or whatever here...[/size]
Your Bill of Rights, the constitution, charter etc, just over a thousand words..
Take a Haynes manual for any type of vehicle...
One Haynes manual for ONE vehicle and how many words?.. just to sun ONE car?.. and the declaration of independence constitution thing is HOW MANY words on how to run a country?.
And how to elect a PM or President?..
Of Course one is going to say "I am a lot better than THAT one", and as the mud starts to fly, is it good or bad?.
For me, I am beginning to see the wood amongst the trees a little here.
Follow me if you will.
How each individual person deals with the mud being slung at them... it is something we note.
Maybe not at the forefront of our mind, but we note.
Do they come out swinging, do they ignore, do they fight back, do they take it on the chin and bow out graciously, how well do they defend themselves in the mud slinging game?.
We all make note.
And when we come to make our Vote, the important part of "Can this person defend our country" and how well we expect them to perform on the world stage, that matters , and it matters a lot.
If Hillary had come out with "How the hell have you managed to hack the deepest security of the Whitehouse servers?.." and "who the hell are you to have read extremely private emails?..", would any of us remarked on how that affects her ability to defend?.
Instead of which, she says "Mistakes were made"
Instead of promising "you aint never getting to do THAT again" and ordering a complete overhaul of the system, she whimpers about "I never meant to do any harm".
In my own mind, first, I would have fixed the problem, second I would have announced to the world that now ALL emails have been secured by the best security they can find.
Third I would have investigated and announced investigations on to how the hell they managed that at all, and who else may have been affected.
THEN I would have announced that "It was a mistake, now I know, I have learned from that"
The Media?..
I think we may be witnessing the media being "used" by nope...
None of the previous presidents have utilised the "social media" as much as the nope is doing.
We now know he "twits".
There will be none of the previous "Dirty lies" slander by media without an almost immediate outpouring of [whatever] from the nope who will deal with liars as social outcasts, he is not one who will be played by the media, take note Mucky Duck, your news outlets have better get your mucky ducks in line, because if you slander THIS president in any way, he has the backing of his own self built empire to squish you like the cockroach you are?..
I suspect the media will not in any wa attempt to "Bully" this Pres into having to release his own Birth certificate?.
Foreign diplomatic affairs.
nope has announced already that the UK has a friend in USA.
Despite old disagreements, nope, because UK has announced Brexit, is happy to be a friend to UK, because we work better together, and we can trade well, as friends. Equals even.
He has said in a nutshell, of Putin, better the devil you know...
Keep your friends close, your enemies even closer?..
And why NOT try and work out a way that USA can work with the rest of the world, as equals, not as competitors?..
As long as we all understand "USA" comes first amongst equals in USA, just as UK is first in UK, and maybe Japan is first in Japan.
I think he kind of expects that.
He will be inaugurated, he will be President.
I dont know for how long, and I cant predict that, but it will happen, so get on with yourself to those who would try to prevent that.
You either work out a way to work with him, or adopt Canadian nationality, or Mexico, or wherever you want to go...
As for how the world will turn...
It will still turn, and will continue to turn after three years, and then we will have the question "Who can follow that"....
Start now.
I said Start Now , because if what you have by then is the usual queue of "Full of it" nonces and the usual suspects who just enjoy the ride of a year shaking hands kissing babies and knocking on doors, there will be no opposition.
Hillary, Take note, you were "not quite good enough" this time, you aint chaging, all you are doing is getting OLDER, and I dont think you have another presidential race in you, dont bother to apply next time.
In fact, from the outside looking in, to ALL those, every single one of those who went on the trail this time, take note..
We need NEW ideas, old ideas re-hashed, you done that before, and where did it get you?..
Therefore, for the sake of putting up someone who CAN challenge the nope...
Unless your name is Obama.
|
|
|
|
Post by the light works on Jan 17, 2017 15:13:34 GMT
I was watching some American Comedian on the presidency thing. Rich Hall.. he is a UK resident now?. Anyways, he says that the average American voted that way for reason... "The average American will not believe anything unless its seen on TV", And we thank Nixon for saying that?. Rich Hall goes on to explain Watergate. Thanks to that, I now know where the phrase "Watergate" comes from... its the address of the headquarters Nixons own men infiltrated to slander hi opponent. He goes on to explain how and where the "Dirty Tricks" of the presidential election thing started from on TeeVee.. Its been around since TeeVee started. We cant blame "anyone" for the most slanderous election campaign ever recorded, because it started back before TeeVee ever was invented, back when the constitution was just a set of guidelines and they started back then with the various was in which it can be interpreted. [important edit, insert and swap out Declaration of Independence for the UK's Magna Carta Libertatum, great charter, and anything else the whole world over, that forms the start of their ability to elect a "prime" minister, Persident, or whatever here...[/size] Your Bill of Rights, the constitution, charter etc, just over a thousand words.. Take a Haynes manual for any type of vehicle... One Haynes manual for ONE vehicle and how many words?.. just to sun ONE car?.. and the declaration of independence constitution thing is HOW MANY words on how to run a country?. And how to elect a PM or President?.. Of Course one is going to say "I am a lot better than THAT one", and as the mud starts to fly, is it good or bad?. For me, I am beginning to see the wood amongst the trees a little here. Follow me if you will. How each individual person deals with the mud being slung at them... it is something we note. Maybe not at the forefront of our mind, but we note. Do they come out swinging, do they ignore, do they fight back, do they take it on the chin and bow out graciously, how well do they defend themselves in the mud slinging game?. We all make note. And when we come to make our Vote, the important part of "Can this person defend our country" and how well we expect them to perform on the world stage, that matters , and it matters a lot. If Hillary had come out with "How the hell have you managed to hack the deepest security of the Whitehouse servers?.." and "who the hell are you to have read extremely private emails?..", would any of us remarked on how that affects her ability to defend?. Instead of which, she says "Mistakes were made" Instead of promising "you aint never getting to do THAT again" and ordering a complete overhaul of the system, she whimpers about "I never meant to do any harm". In my own mind, first, I would have fixed the problem, second I would have announced to the world that now ALL emails have been secured by the best security they can find. Third I would have investigated and announced investigations on to how the hell they managed that at all, and who else may have been affected. THEN I would have announced that "It was a mistake, now I know, I have learned from that" The Media?.. I think we may be witnessing the media being "used" by nope... None of the previous presidents have utilised the "social media" as much as the nope is doing. We now know he "twits". There will be none of the previous "Dirty lies" slander by media without an almost immediate outpouring of [whatever] from the nope who will deal with liars as social outcasts, he is not one who will be played by the media, take note Mucky Duck, your news outlets have better get your mucky ducks in line, because if you slander THIS president in any way, he has the backing of his own self built empire to squish you like the cockroach you are?.. I suspect the media will not in any wa attempt to "Bully" this Pres into having to release his own Birth certificate?. Foreign diplomatic affairs. nope has announced already that the UK has a friend in USA. Despite old disagreements, nope, because UK has announced Brexit, is happy to be a friend to UK, because we work better together, and we can trade well, as friends. Equals even. He has said in a nutshell, of Putin, better the devil you know... Keep your friends close, your enemies even closer?.. And why NOT try and work out a way that USA can work with the rest of the world, as equals, not as competitors?.. As long as we all understand "USA" comes first amongst equals in USA, just as UK is first in UK, and maybe Japan is first in Japan. I think he kind of expects that. He will be inaugurated, he will be President. I dont know for how long, and I cant predict that, but it will happen, so get on with yourself to those who would try to prevent that. You either work out a way to work with him, or adopt Canadian nationality, or Mexico, or wherever you want to go... As for how the world will turn... It will still turn, and will continue to turn after three years, and then we will have the question "Who can follow that".... Start now. I said Start Now , because if what you have by then is the usual queue of "Full of it" nonces and the usual suspects who just enjoy the ride of a year shaking hands kissing babies and knocking on doors, there will be no opposition. Hillary, Take note, you were "not quite good enough" this time, you aint chaging, all you are doing is getting OLDER, and I dont think you have another presidential race in you, dont bother to apply next time. In fact, from the outside looking in, to ALL those, every single one of those who went on the trail this time, take note.. We need NEW ideas, old ideas re-hashed, you done that before, and where did it get you?.. Therefore, for the sake of putting up someone who CAN challenge the nope... Unless your name is Obama.
[/quote] a few details: Hillary was the first SOS who was expected to NOT have her own email server. there is no evidence of hacking until after the emails in question were on a government server. there is only a bare minimum of friction between mucky duck and the Nope. it is not a birth certificate our press is trying to get the Nope to release. it is proof that he has paid his taxes, has made as much money as he claims to have made, and is not up to his eyeballs in debt to Russian banks that people want to see. with the exception of the two wars we had in establishing our relationship, the US has always been happy to be a friend to the UK. and with Putin, it is not "better the devil you know" it is "Putin is a great leader, and we can make some great deals with him." |
|
|
|
Post by GTCGreg on Jan 17, 2017 15:50:41 GMT
The OPM got hacked, the Whitehouse got hacked, the FBI got hacked and the DNC got hacked. It would appear that Hillary's server was the safest place around.
|
|
|
|
Post by the light works on Jan 17, 2017 15:59:30 GMT
The OPM got hacked, the Whitehouse got hacked, the FBI got hacked and the DNC got hacked. It would appear that Hillary's server was the safest place around. that was my conclusion. |
|
|
|
Post by silverdragon on Jan 18, 2017 9:56:59 GMT
a few details: Hillary was the first SOS who was expected to NOT have her own email server. there is no evidence of hacking until after the emails in question were on a government server. there is only a bare minimum of friction between mucky duck and the Nope. it is not a birth certificate our press is trying to get the Nope to release. it is proof that he has paid his taxes, has made as much money as he claims to have made, and is not up to his eyeballs in debt to Russian banks that people want to see. with the exception of the two wars we had in establishing our relationship, the US has always been happy to be a friend to the UK. and with Putin, it is not "better the devil you know" it is "Putin is a great leader, and we can make some great deals with him." what is SOS?.. I dont "get" that acronym?.. The mere fact she had those emails and what was in them was "enough", it wasnt a case of where they were, but what was in them, and how much did she know about American Citizens "in danger" that she did nothing to protect. The fact that they were not on a "protected" server made them easier to hack. Isnt that a bad thing?. For every president, there will be counter-claims that "they were not the right choice", and after the cause "we did wrong by having them", Big-O will be remembered for many things, but for me, he was the "coolest" president you ever had, and just because of him being him, I would be the first to break silence and say why cant he be up on Mt Rushmore?.. Yes there will always be some form of investigation into the current president, Tricky D*cky wasnt the forst and nope wont be the last, its "par for the course" The thing about UK vs USA, europe always tries to tell us they are more important that USA, and we aint niver 'avin none of that. Its jealousy. The europe believes they are entitled to "A better deal" with USA than "Just" England on its own.. This is again why Brexit.. FFS, We are not, never have been, and never will be, "Just" the UK. As for the USSR/Russia?. Again, they are a might in their own right. They are not "Just" another country, they are similar in physical size to USA, they are greater than the whole of europe, although with recent and "wish-we-were" countries wanting admission... But Russia is still a major world player. Yes we should be doing deals with them. And Putin. maybe its strange how such a Gay Icon he is with his bared chest, but he is just one man. And as for Russian leaders, he is one of the better ones we have had in a long while. It was only when they noted what was missing they looked for and found hillarys servers. Safe?.. nothing is safe, for very long. Especially when someone determined goes looking for it. The question is, why DID anyone "need" to look for what was on HER server ahead of anyone else?. What made HER such a target?. When you have that much power, its never about what you get right, its always about whet you did wrong.... follow the breadcrumbs, you find the cake, and in this instance, the cake WAS a lie.... |
|
|
|
Post by silverdragon on Jan 18, 2017 10:15:15 GMT
We are getting politica.
So to lighten it up, some mother-in-law jokes.
I haven't spoken to my mother-in-law for two years. We haven't quarreled. I just don't like to interrupt her.
The clock fell off the wall. If it was a minute sooner, it would have hit my MIL. That clock was always slow!
My MIL is banned internationally from playing poker, as she keeps all the chips on her shoulder!
I was out shopping the other day when I saw six people beating my MIL up. As I stood there and watched, My Wife said, "Well, aren't you going to help?" I replied, "No. Six should be enough".
I bought my MIL a chair for Christmas, but she wouldn't plug it in.
George went on a vacation to the Middle East with most of his family, including his mother-in-law. During their vacation, and while they were visiting Jerusalem, George's mother-in-law died. With the death certificate in hand, George went to the American Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to the States for proper burial. The Consul, after hearing of the death of the mother-in-law, told George, "My friend, the sending of a body back to the States for burial is very, very expensive. It could cost as much as $5,000 dollars." The Consul continued, "In most of these cases, the person responsible for the remains normally decides to bury the body here. This would only cost $150 dollars". George thinks for some time, and answers the Consul, "I don't care how much it will cost to send the body back. That's what I want to do." The Consul, after hearing this says, "You must have loved your mother-in-law very much, considering the difference in price between $5,000 and $150 dollars." "No, it's not that," says George. "You see, I know of a case many, many years ago of a person that was buried here in Jerusalem, and on the third day he was resurrected. Consequently, I do not want to take that chance!"
I'm trying to get my MIL to go ice fishing before the ice gets too thick.
My MIL asked me, "If you hate me so much, why is my photo on the mantelpiece (the shelf above the open fireplace)?" I told her, "So as to keep the kids away from the fire."
I don't say my MIL's ugly ... but around our way, the peeping toms are giving themselves up to the police.
My MIL said to me, "I'll dance on your grave." I said, "I hope you do. I'm being buried at sea."
A woman was leaving a convenience store with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a very mean looking dog on a leash. Behind that were 200 women walking single file.
The woman couldn't stand her curiosity.
She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral procession like this. Whose funeral is it?"
The woman replied, "Well, that first hearse is for my husband."
"What happened to him?"
The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him."
She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"
The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her."
A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two women.
"Can I borrow the dog?"
"Get in line."
And may I thank Les Dawson {RIP} who was the inspiration for much of my material ...
Unfortunately, because of the language filters, I cant post much of it on here!
|
|
|
|
Post by the light works on Jan 18, 2017 14:12:23 GMT
SOS = Secretary of State.
and as for Obama being on mount Rushmore, it can't be done, some say it is because there is now a federal law against blowing up mountains just to make decorations, but really, it is because the rocks are the wrong color.
|
|
|
|
Post by GTCGreg on Jan 18, 2017 17:06:16 GMT
and as for Obama being on mount Rushmore, it can't be done, some say it is because there is now a federal law against blowing up mountains just to make decorations, but really, it is because the rocks are the wrong color. Maybe they need to build his monument in West Virginia or some other coal producing state. I know. Not PC, but when have you ever known me to be PC? |
|
|
|
Post by OziRiS on Jan 18, 2017 22:26:01 GMT
and as for Obama being on mount Rushmore, it can't be done, some say it is because there is now a federal law against blowing up mountains just to make decorations, but really, it is because the rocks are the wrong color. Maybe they need to build his monument in West Virginia or some other coal producing state. I know. Not PC, but when have you ever known me to be PC? Hard to say... How do we know you're not at least partially made from Precast Concrete...? |
|
|
|
Post by the light works on Jan 18, 2017 23:46:53 GMT
and as for Obama being on mount Rushmore, it can't be done, some say it is because there is now a federal law against blowing up mountains just to make decorations, but really, it is because the rocks are the wrong color. Maybe they need to build his monument in West Virginia or some other coal producing state. I know. Not PC, but when have you ever known me to be PC? you're Mac? they could do him,over here, too. we have mostly black basalt. |
|
